I’ve fallen off the prayer train more often than I care to recount. God gave me this vision to blog monthly about prayerful activism and it’s been over a year since I last blogged…
I’ve discovered the Lord literally does not allow me to write when I am not living it out. It’s that deep seated inner conviction that knows I can not honestly write because there is not even the slightest hint of me heading in the right direction.
But thankfully my God is the God of infinite chances, and He never gives up. Sometimes he waits there quietly, other times speaking, but it’s up to me to take action on his grace. So here’s me responding: broken and struggling daily with prayer, making a mess.
The Lord daily gives me opportunities to step into a deeper walk with him, but it takes repentance, asking for forgiveness, and then asking for deeper intimacy. But as he sweeps away the glass, and the path is finally cleared. That’s when adversity hits.
Pride and laziness rear their ugly head EVERY TIME and the whispers in my head are persistent: “I don’t need to kneel by my bed, I’ll just pray while I’m lying down; I’ll just do my quiet time later today, I’m too tired.
My “temporary excuses” turn into unhealthy habits.
So here I find myself OVER A YEAR LATER finally saying, no more sitting on the ledge. It’s time to jump off. Even though I understand there’s grace for the ruts of life, I can’t help but think about how much I’ve been missing out on. And for what? I either need to start blogging again or quit altogether, because I’m tired of making excuses.
So last week I went to the golf course, got some (50) range balls and prayed in between every shot. I absolutely loved it! It was exactly what I needed to focus. Throughout my life I have encountered God through a variety of different means, golf included. The reason I present this is to potentially expand our ideas of connecting with God.
I needed to shake things up by whatever means God deemed necessary. Does that mean I’ll be going to the golf course more often? Probably not..(expensive!) but I do know I’m on a better path than I was on yesterday, and I think that’s what God is looking for.
Moving forward I honestly don’t feel too optimistic about this blog, but my heart says I now have a chance. I’ve been going solo for too long, and never sought accountability for my dream. I was secretly hoping someone would help. So not only was I lacking accountability, I didn’t have the right focal point.
My new job become my all-encompassing fulfillment.
Ever since March when I got that call from CRU saying I got the marketing internship with Jesus Film Project, my sole obsession became getting to Florida and fulfilling what I was always supposed to do – applying my passion for marketing in missions.
But as with most things, time makes things less shiny and reality comes back into view. And even though I could see some exciting things develop out of this year, I know it’s not my everything. Man, it’s easy to lose sight of what we were made for.
God has made it clear this blogging thing is not something I can compromise on. It’s not a fad or a hobby, it’s a lifestyle I need to start living. So I have two choices: I can either deny it and live unfulfilled like I have for the past year, or I can step into what God has called me to even with all my mistakes, knowing he just wants all of me, period.
I just want to encourage everyone reading this.
I pray protection over you, lifting any sense of shame in thinking you’re not good enough, or that God is somehow mad at you, or whatever lie the enemy is throwing at you. You’re not as alone as you think you are!
Maybe you need accountability… Maybe you need to make a firm stand…Maybe you need a day with the Lord… Or maybe you just don’t know what you need… And that’s okay.
Just remember God is there for you. Even if your best friend doesn’t ever seem to pick up the phone when you need them most, God is there. Even if you don’t have a best friend, God is there. He listens first because he wants to hear YOU: not just your words, but your heart. He wants to hear when you’re stuck on a ledge, so he can call from below saying, “Jump, I will catch you!”
What ledge are you stuck on?