Right now I am back at home, enrolled at Marshall this year, and I know that. But it still is not easy…
My heart desperately wanted a relationship, but God told me: “Not Yet. Will you give me this next school year, just you and me”? I said yes to God, and midst the trial, God has gotten me through so far. But I subconsciously put a timer on God’s clock though. I was doubting God’s promise that it would be alright.
Soon after, God presented me with a new situation: “Brian, will you give up that relationship indefinitely? I want to set you aside for a purpose beyond this next season at Marshall, it needs to be just you and me.”
God wants us to have a deeper relationship with him first, and then we can be sent out. It is not natural for my heart, my flesh, to yearn for this deep love of God. That is where the lesson of daily dependence is being learned. It does not just…poof…happen. It is a slow, often painful process; but God reminds me that it is worth it. The answer was hard, but I have given my hurting heart to God.
Little did I know that I was about to hurt my knee also.
It could not have come at a worse time. I have been training since July to run my first marathon. I only have 3 weeks to try to rehab before I run the race, and unbelievable doubt plagues me because I have had knee problems occasionally in my past.
God has brought me to a place of total dependence. Even though I have done rehab, I am still scared because I do not know what will happen when I start running that far. When I was talking with God about this the other day, he told me it was going to hurt me, but He was going to get me through it. I just have to depend wholly on Him to get me through.
What is God asking you to give up?
Dependence is a daily ritual. We have to constantly give it to God, otherwise we’ll we try to grab control again. But it’s beautiful It brings both sides together in a more healthy relationship.